Man, this is a hard blog post to write but I have this very strong impression that I need to. If not for anyone else at least for myself. Ok, here it goes. I don’t have kids and that’s ok! Does it always feel ok? No it doesn’t. I grew up with this belief that I was going to get married right out of high school and start popping out babies and be done by the time I was 30.
Here I am 28 years old, happily married at 22 and childless. I guess you could say partially by choice and partially by luck. See we aren’t trying to not have kids in any way but we also aren’t actively pursuing treatments to up our chances. I’m not going to lie, I occasionally have that empty void where I wonder what I am doing and why I haven’t been one of the lucky ones.
I’m a good person who loves kids and taking care of others. I know that I would make a great mother but I also know that there is a chance that it wont happen. What can you do?
I don’t know about you but it’s kind of hard to figure out what to do with yourself when you don’t have kids and you had planned your life around the idea that at some point you will have kids. No I never thought that I would have the chance to be a stay at home parent because let’s be honest here, that is very difficult to do these days. I would look at a job though and think to myself, “How hard would daycare be to find with the hours that are required here?”
I truly wish that I was someone who grew up with a passion for a career of some sort. You know? It would make the idea of possibly never having kids kind of easier to process. I could really focus on my career and the bigger goals that I have but to be honest I have always been kind of mediocre at everything. I love people and helping others but there are very few good paying jobs that let you do that and guess what…. I have yet to find one that will let me do it with my background. Yay for mistakes of my youth!
Anyways I was thinking about what I want to do long term and what changes I want to make in my life as I start to adjust mentally to the fact that I pry wont have kids. It’s so hard when everyone asks how many kids we have or just seeing the many posts each week of my friends and family being pregnant or having kids. I’m one of those people that got so sick of it I started telling people that “I had a few kids but ate them all” or “I don’t, are you offering yours?” My husband and I have fun seeing who can come up with the better excuse for not kids when we are chatting with people.
When people hear I don’t have kids I always have people tell me, “You know you can adopt.” Ummmm…. you do realize how much adoption costs, right? I can’t afford those kinds of fee’s. Even if I could because I have a criminal record what agency would choose me? I could always try a surrogate mother but again it costs quite a bit just to try and it’s no guarantee that it will be successful.
No, instead I think I am going to have to take some soul searching and really figure out what I want to make my life into without kids. I’ve pretty much come to terms with the idea of just being the super awesome aunt, cousin and friend. I know that I can live a fully fulfilled life without kids but to be honest I really have to think about what I want for that to look like. For now getting out of debt is plan #1 but to be honest I’m both scared and excited about what can happen. I’m so grateful that I have such a supportive and loving husband that makes this a bit easier. Having someone who has my back and let’s me do what I feel I need to do and gives me sound advice has made all of these emotions and decisions so far so much easier.
I know that there are a lot of people out there who decide not to have kids or also come to the same spot that I am at right now of wanting kids but not being lucky enough in that department. If we are lucky and have one someday we will both be thrilled but I truly feel that I have to figure things out for me besides it. Yes some will think I am crazy for having planned on having kids and made my decisions for so long around it but I saw so many friends and family have to change jobs while pregnant and the struggles they had with it. I just didn’t want it to be me. What have you done?